At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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