woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize