Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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