i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
