doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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