I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You brought string cheese to the strip club
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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