So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
