We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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