fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
