you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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