Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
