1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
