Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize