That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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