His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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