Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
pray to the hookup gods
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
