it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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