I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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