I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
