Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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