dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
