is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
