You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
