So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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