Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
