Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
