Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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