i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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