Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
