It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
