Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
