sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it's like iHOP with fire
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
