in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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