Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
