i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
