I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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