atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
