Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
