i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am one with the molecules
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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