Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
