Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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