He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
