I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
