A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
