Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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