Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
