fuck your aforementioned shoe
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
