it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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