we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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