she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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