So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
