I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
