Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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