are you still at the devil's house?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize