i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
