She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
