Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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