Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What a dumb baby whore.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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