Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize