At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
