if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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