Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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