Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
