I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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