So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
