if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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