Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
