My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
