You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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